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Monday, August 15, 2022

Is four times a week normal?

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Much is being said about the photos circulating from JLo and Ben Affleck’s honeymoon. Although more than those posed in Paris, the most viral photo has been, without a doubt, the one in which Affleck took a snooze during a cruise on the Seine that went viral and ended up becoming meme meat because Social Networks, that oracle that can be as cruel as it is hilarious, concluded that the actor’s tiredness could only be due to one thing: the sexual demands of his new wife who, according to a rumor never confirmed but insistently spread by the tabloids, would have made him sign on his opposite premarital that they would have sex four times a week. * First night of marriage * Jennifer López // Ben Affleck pic.twitter.com/sSPWSF4MJp – Mario Mojica Neck (@mariomojc) July 21, 2022 This is how, once again, everyone has once again considered whether to have sex four times a week is or is not normal. Assuming that “normal” exists only from a statistical point of view and as a synonym for “frequent” or “usual”, we should refer to the data available in this regard. There is research, such as that carried out by psychologist Amy Muise, a professor at the University of York in Canada, which indicates that to have a happy relationship, the ideal is to have sexual encounters once a week. In addition, she added that increasing this frequency did not imply improving the quality of the couple’s relationship. In this way, rather than doing it more or less than the neighbor, the key would be to maintain an active and regular sexual life, to maintain a quality bond. Along these lines, a 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior concluded that the average adult has sex 54 times a year. That, doing the old woman’s account, is precisely that, a weekly sexual encounter. Of course, these general figures begin to vary when the analysis is deepened and differences are seen between people who are more or less young or from different countries. In 2012, the Durex Report carried out by the consulting firm Harris Interactive at a global level, revealed that 74% of Spaniards had sexual relations at least once a week. This made Spain the eighth country in terms of sexual frequency, tied with Switzerland, of the 26 analyzed in this list. The Greeks and Brazilians led the same with 87% and 82% respectively. At the other extreme were the Japanese, among whom only one in three reported having had sex in the week prior to the survey, followed by the US and Nigerians (both at 53%). In fact, returning to the Affleck marriage, we must reflect that sexual ardor seems to be fading among Americans, with the entrance of the new century. And it is that a report published in JAMA Network Open indicated that from 2000 to 2018, almost one in three men in the United States between the ages of 18 and 24 reported not having had sexual activity in the last year. Perhaps this was the reason why Jennifer Lopez, of Latin descent, wanted to have some sexual security. Jennifer Lopez enforcing Ben Affleck’s contract. pic.twitter.com/lgL4gH6m0m – Marta with Mohican. 🥃💊💕 (@MartaLargos) July 25, 2022 In the case of Spain, a couple of years before the pandemic, the Ulises study, prepared by the company My Word for 20 minutes, concluded that 42.2% of the elderly population of age had shared sex at least once a week in the past year. Although this figure seemed to be somewhat lower, it was surprising that of people between 35 and 44 years old, 29% said they had sex with their partners at least three to four times a week. Even half of the people who lived with their partner and children had sex at least once a week. Reviewing more recent data, the pandemic does not seem to have diminished the desire, quite the opposite. Thus, the lubricant brand Lubets carried out a survey among 2,000 Spaniards in 2022, stating that the Spanish average now currently amounted to 2.5 times per week, although, yes, with differences between Autonomous Communities. For example, in Castilla León , the inhabitants of the province of Salamanca were animated with up to 3.4 weekly relations. However, the figure dropped to 1.8 relationships per week in the case of Cantabria and the Balearic Islands. Adding pressure subtracts from relationships The problem with all these types of surveys is that they do not always reflect reality. To begin with, because it only measures genital contact, when sexual intercourse is something that can go much further. And, finally, because people respond, consciously or unconsciously, pressured to meet that ideal standard that it seems that we have all set for ourselves. “Carrying out general surveys on sex in a country like ours is not very reliable, since it usually has the obvious bias of ‘social desirability’, in which each person answers what they think they ‘should’ answer or what the person who asks wants to hear and not reality”, reflects the sexologist Iván Rotella. Although the underlying problem is having an obsession with mixing numbers and sex. For measuring insights (also in a heteronormative model, now outdated) instead of thinking about the quality of relationships. That is why the expert makes a clear message: “There is no established or regulated frequency. There is no rule about how our partner has to be. We can choose together what format of couple we want to be, that it be ours, whether or not it resembles what other people or couples do. The also sexologist Arola Poch agrees with this idea. “Measuring in sex is usually of little use. Neither frequencies, nor measurements, nor number of orgasms… The important thing is that we are satisfied with our sexual life and many times that has more to do with quality than quantity”. Ben AffleckWeek 1 // After a year of marriage pic.twitter.com/MDCZ6tEbTs – Maléfipizzi (@_Cactucita) July 24, 2022 A sexual frequency for life? Another question that can be asked in the case of JLo and Affleck is whether it is possible to set a sexual frequency for life. As if we, the couple, or life in general, were not going to change. “Marking a previous sexual frequency can become an obligation ‘we have to have sex 3 times a week’ and in sex, the obligations and duties end up not going well. Another different thing is to set yourself as a goal not to neglect your sexual life, to give it the importance it has. That could be interesting if we want other obligations not to go ahead, ”reflects Poch. She questions another point to take into account Iván Rotella, and that is that if measuring does not seem to favor desire, imposing goes against any healthy relationship. “Sexual relations cannot be imposed. Accepting the impositions does not work even in the short term, they only harm the person who gives in and end up damaging the relationship as well. Although these concepts seem basic, the reality is that the issue of sexual frequency not only concerns celebrity couples, but many of the couples who go to a sexologist’s office. As Rotella points out, “there is a supposed social pressure that the number of relationships is directly proportional to how well the couple is doing and this is not necessarily the case at all. Trying to embed yourself in a single pre-established social model of a couple is living relationships without having a direct connection with people”. For all these reasons, as a final reflection, Poch concludes that, as much as we put it on paper, desire is not something that responds to contracts. “Sexual desire, one’s own circumstances and that of the couple, responsibilities, having children or not… There are many variables that influence the possible frequency and it is normal for it to vary over time. The odd thing would be the opposite”. Thus, it only remains to assume normally, that there will be stages of passion, stages of break and stages of meeting again in night marathons, which make us need to take a nap, even if it is on a boat on the Seine.

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– Article Written By @Silvia C. Carpallo from https://smoda.elpais.com/placeres/sexo/ben-affleck-agotado-debate-cuanto-sexo-es-demasiado/

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