One of the problems with dating apps is how easy it is to lie online. There are lies that will be easy for us to discover on a first date, as if the person has added or removed centimeters in their description. Although there will be others that will give us more headaches, such as knowing what the availability of the other person really is. In fact, the study ‘Deception in mobile dating conversations’ published in the Journal of Communication already warned in 2018 that almost two thirds of the lies in the profiles had to do with the availability of the person and with the way they had to communicate. be described. Although something seems to have changed in recent years. And it is that now the so-called hardballing has become fashionable, that is, making it clear from the beginning what you are looking for or not when entering a network. A generational change The change has not come from the networks themselves, but from how new users have decided to use them. The so-called generation Z has entered dating apps in force and has begun to change some of those unwritten rules. If we look at the figures that Tinder offers on its website, more than half of its members from all over the world are Gen Z (young adults between 18 and 25 years old) and a large part of them joined the network as a result of the confinements and the need for contact, even if it was online. And as they have observed from this application, these users have marked new ways of relating that are distinguished by being much more honest and sincere. “In Tinder, in fact, we have always encouraged our members to complete their profile and try to be as transparent and authentic as possible,” Vicente Balbastre, the head of communication for southern Europe, explains to S moda. Thus arises what is now known as hardballing. A new trend that basically talks about being honest from the beginning with what you are looking for in a relationship: something stable or something temporary. Preferably before you get to meet in person, so as not to waste anyone’s time. In other words, if millennials seemed to prefer to opt for ghosting when it was discovered that their interests did not add up, after several unsuccessful conversations, the Z prefer to go straight to the point from the first moment to avoid disappointment and false expectations. “It is true that the first thing you ask is what you are looking for, because if it is not the same as me, I will pass on that profile from the beginning. And in reality it is appreciated, because that way you don’t waste time and you don’t end up getting tired of always talking to people who don’t want the same thing as you” explains Beatriz, 21 years old. Why Gen Z is more honest Saying what you want from the beginning has its advantages, it seems obvious. What is not so important is why Gen Z had to come to the world of dating apps to prove it. Raquel Graña, sexologist and expert in sex education, explains that young people simply receive a different education from past generations. “There is more and more awareness of what a healthy relationship is. In addition, the importance of going to the psychologist, of being transparent, of communicating properly is becoming very visible”. Although she does not forget that it is also a native generation in social networks, and, therefore, it is logical that they create their own norms. “In the sex education classes I teach, and especially the university students, they tell you that now they flirt mostly by relating on Instagram, mainly through reactions from stories, likes, etc.” What, at the time, for millennials, could have been to give a touch to the mobile, which could perhaps seem much more confusing. The question is whether sincerity in the networks is just a trend or really a change in the model that will eventually be implemented. “I trust that yes and that we all put it into practice. People who have social networks and dedicate ourselves to therapy place a lot of emphasis on this, because it influences us enormously”, adds the psychologist. Sincerity or sincericide The other big question is whether there are different ways to practice hardballing. It’s okay to be honest with our intentions, but there are many ways to raise them and express them to the other. And it is that sometimes sincerity, poorly expressed, can be as hurtful as a lie. “The so-called hardballing can be the extreme of the sincere,” explains psychologist Enrique Vázquez Oria. Thus, the psychologist analyzes that the problem comes when this sincerity is expressed without empathy and without sensitivity towards the other person, or when it makes everything a practical and cold exchange, leaving no room for improvisation or letting things flow. “Excessive naturalness can collide with the necessary seduction protocols and rituals, ending the magic of the first words and the first encounters, albeit virtual, leading to the terrain of the excessively obvious.” The antidote to this “sincercide” would be to opt for assertive and empathic communication, “thus expressing your emotions, from sympathy, being pleasant, without excesses, or haste”. In other words, it is not only about being honest, but about learning to be so that something positive really turns out. “For this it is necessary not to express needs, or requirements that sound instantaneous, but patient and calm.” As the expert recalls, it is good to know the initial availability of the other, but the reality is that the best relationships are those that “simmer”. That is to say “taking care with care and with care the first words, without lies, but neither with truths that scare the necessary rite of seduction between people who have certain apparent intentions”. In short, according to Vázquez Oria “be just that, people, with our weaknesses and strengths, because what you will find on the other side of the screen is probably the same, and not waste time adopting profiles far from oneself that sound empty” .
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– Article Written By @Silvia C. Carpallo from https://smoda.elpais.com/belleza/hardballing-o-dejar-claro-desde-el-principio-que-buscas-en-una-relacion/