The popular belief is that in the summer everyone wants to have more sex. What if the heat, what if wearing less clothes, more free time, meeting more people or having more time as a couple. Yes, it is true, that is the reality for some people. But not from everyone. There are people who, no matter how hard they try, cannot get their sexual desire to fit in on vacation.
“Expectations about sex and summer tend to be high and are not always met. The factors that can be behind are different, such as heat fatigue, vacation trips with the whole family or fatigue accumulated throughout the year, to name a few possible reasons ”, says the sexologist Sonia Garcia.
Let’s face it, that’s another of the great myths. Desire neither magically appears nor disappears without warning. And, like love, it must be worked on every day if we want to keep it.
The sexologist also clarifies it Inma Rios: “Desire has two wonderful ways of finding us.” On the one hand, there would be the active desire, “which is what is instinctively awakened in us.” That desire that enters alone. But then there would be the reactive desire, “which is the one that responds to a previous external or internal stimulation.” However, there is something in which both agree, and that is that both need “food”. Thus, the expert recalls that “if we are not attentive to what motivates us sexually, if we do not seek and encourage it, no desire will come to our door.”
So, can holidays be a good time to rediscover that sexual motivation? If we so decide, these are some ideas to awaken that ‘sleeping’ desire.
Have a date with yourself: You might think that to awaken desire you need to connect with other people. But perhaps the first step is to connect with oneself, to disconnect from all that is blocking our desire. “One idea is to date one or yourself to spend quality time and pamper your own sexuality. For example, taking a calm bath while you feel the water on your skin ”, points out Sonia García. Another idea is that, if our “date” gets interesting, instead of going to the point, we try to go from quick and direct masturbation to download, to the so-called autoeroticism, slow and with care, for example, “spending more time on self caresses ”.
Change any of our readings or series for the summer: Reconnecting with our desire requires first rethinking sex. Of course, do it in a stimulating way, that attracts us, that makes us let ourselves go. Something that can work with a good book, although perhaps not so much with a historical essay or a horror novel. “Reading erotic literature is always a good resource to feed our erotic fantasies. In addition, we can do it while we are lying on the beach, for example, so that we get in tune for when we get home “, advises the sexologist Ester Alvarez. In the same way, as a couple, perhaps we can take advantage of some of those quiet summer nights to watch a racy movie or series that helps us break the ice.
Impersonating strangers: One of the keys to increasing sexual desire in summer is precisely that we get out of our routines. Another city, another environment, other schedules. But in the end with our partner we always end up doing the same thing. That is why it is important to break our sexual routine. Do you always do it at night when you are most tired? Try the silly nap time. Do you always do it in bed? Try some sleight of hand in the shower. For the more daring, these changes of routines can also go through a change of roles. “You can play at being different people. This role acts as a disguise, allowing you to be what you want to be and lose your shame, “says Inma Ríos. In fact, a role play doesn’t always involve dressing up. Sometimes it is as simple as meeting in a bar and posing as strangers or playing other people, to seduce you again.
Go shopping: When the good weather arrives, you want to renew your wardrobe a bit and buy yourself a treat. Perhaps we can also renew our repertoire of erotic lingerie or toys. Whether it is to spend some time seducing ourselves or to seduce someone else, the idea is to feel the bug of that novelty. “Looking for a new erotic toy or product with our partner and experimenting is always exciting and can serve as an incentive for our libido,” insists Ester Álvarez.
Explore the five senses: One of the downsides of the heat is that the melee can be more oppressive than when we get under the covers in winter. But it also has its advantages, such as taking advantage of the fact that we are not going to get cold to spread, smear and rub ourselves with everything that seduces us (and does not harm us). Inma Ríos prescribes some ideas: “With this heat you can play with changes in temperature. Include ice, special candle wax for this purpose, oils and lubricants with a hot-cold effect. Likewise, games with food, where our body gets dirty and being able to finish with a bath or shower as a couple can be very exciting and fun ”.
Feel the summer: Finally, if there is something that summer brings us, it is reconnecting with the moment, instead of always thinking about what remains to be done. And there is nothing that helps desire more than to be present and not with your head elsewhere. This is how Sonia García sums it up: “It is the best time to connect with your own body in different summer situations: how does the touch of the waves of the sea feel on your body, the taste of that very cool mojito, that chill when passing an ice by the nape of the neck, how the sun caresses the skin… The possibilities are varied and the more it connects with the body, the more we will be working on our sexual desire ”.
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