Colton Underwood lives in his truth for the first time in his life.
In a prerecorded interview with Robin Roberts, which aired on Wednesday the Good morning america, first Single Star goes “deeply personal”, revealing publicly for the first time that he is gay.
“There is something you want people to know, so can you tell us what is in your heart that you want to share?” Roberts asks Underwood.
“For me, I’ve run from myself for a long time. I’ve hated myself for a long time and I’m gay,” Underwood says. “And I accepted that earlier this year and have been processing it. I think the next step in all of this is to inform people. I’m still nervous, but yeah, it has been a safe ride.”
Underwood shares that life in quarantine last year led him to examine his conscience and feel comfortable opening up publicly about his sexuality for the first time. He says his past struggle with his identity led to “suicidal thoughts.”
“I would have preferred to die rather than say ‘I’m gay,’ and I think that was my wake-up call,” he admits. “There was a moment in Los Angeles where I woke up and I didn’t think I was going to wake up. I didn’t mean to wake up and I did. I think that for me that was my wake-up call of this is your life. Regain control “.
Underwood adds that he doesn’t feel that way anymore and that opening up about being gay has led him to a much better place in his life.
“I am excited in such a good, happy and positive way. I am the happiest and healthiest I have ever been in my life and that means a lot to me,” he shares. “I got to a place in my personal life that was dark and bad and I can list a lot of different things, but they would all be excuses. I think generally the reason why now is because I got to a place where I don’t think was I ever going to share this. “
As for appearing in The BachelorUnderwood has mixed feelings about his involvement with the franchise. Underwood first competed in season 14 of High school, before being announced as the bachelor for season 23. The former soccer player’s sexuality first emerged after he publicly revealed his virginity while dating single Becca Kufrin. At the time, he recalled seeing headlines saying he was gay, that he was in the closet, or that he “did this to get attention.”
“I think I could have handled it better. I wish I hadn’t dragged people into my own mess of figuring out who I was,” she says of the women competing for her heart. “I really mean it. But I too, at the same time, I can sit here and say, ‘I’m sorry’ to all those women. I can also sit here and say, ‘thank you’, because without them and without The Bachelor franchise, I don’t know if this would ever come out. “
He recalls finding out that he was going to be the next single and saying, “I remember praying to God the morning I found out I was single and thanking him for making me clear. I remember it vividly, saying, ‘Finally, you’ are leaving me. To be honest ‘”.
But Underwood says she has known the truth about her sexuality for most of her life.
“I knew it had been different since I was six years old. I couldn’t process it and I couldn’t identify what it was until high school in my freshman year, when I found out I was gay,” he said. Explain.
While his Single The season didn’t end in engagement, it ended in a relationship with Cassie Randolph. The two dated for a year and a half before their tumultuous breakup last May.
“I would like to apologize for how things turned out. I was wrong. I made a lot of bad decisions,” Underwood said Wednesday of the relationship.
He says he was in love with Cassie, which made it “more difficult and confusing for me.”
“I loved everything about her,” he continues. “It is difficult for me to articulate what my emotions are for her and what happened in that relationship because obviously I had an internal fight. I would just say that I am sorry from the bottom of my heart for bringing pain and emotional stress that I caused. It wouldn’t have happened the way it did. I wish I’d been brave enough to fix myself before I broke someone else. ”
Underwood spoke about her virginity and how she spent part of her teens and early 20s questioning her sexuality in her book. The first time: finding myself and looking for love on reality TV. However, in an interview with ET in March 2020, Underwood credited The Bachelor for helping him realize he was straight.
“[The show taught me] that I’m straight and I’m very, very attracted to Cassie and women, but it would have been nice if it had been the other way around too, “he said.” I think that’s the biggest message I have for people. “
At the time, he also referred to continuing to fight rumors of homosexuality while with Randolph, saying, “but that’s how it was for me when I was a kid in elementary and middle school.”
“I can take care of them now,” he added. “People sometimes when they don’t understand, they have to go from point A to point B somehow, and that’s a line that they draw. That’s what they do to make sense of things in their mind.”
Meanwhile, in November, Colton struck a “private settlement” with Randolph, who asked the court to dismiss the restraining order that was issued against him after their breakup. Attorneys for Randolph and Underwood said at the time that the former couple were trying to resolve their issues amicably and would contact the court if they could do so before their next scheduled court date.
“Today Cassie asked the court to dismiss the temporary restraining order against me,” Underwood told ET in a statement at the time. “We were both able to work out a private agreement to address any of Cassie’s concerns. I don’t think Cassie did anything wrong by filing the restraining orders and I also think she acted in good faith. I appreciate everyone’s respect for privacy with Regarding this matter. “
Underwood later deleted all of his posts from his Instagram. He returned to the platform in December and has only been sharing updates through his IG Stories.