Chrissy Teigen is opening up about the heartbreaking untimely loss of herself and her husband John Legend’s baby Jack.
During his virtual appearance in The Ellen DeGeneres Show On Monday, the 35-year-old model spoke about the traumatic experience and explained how it really changed her life.
“I’m still in therapy about it and I’m still coming to terms with it in some way,” shared Teigen, who has also made his pain public on social media. “I check my closet and see, there are suits. There are full maternity clothes and things that I bought for my eighth month and my ninth month. So it’s difficult, because he would have been born this week. Those things and you have these constant reminders of him.” .
“But being Thai and being raised in a home that was very open to loss, I think it was really helpful,” she continued. “I see it like, it can be a beautiful thing, and it was a really transformative thing for me. In a way, he really saved me because I don’t think I would have discovered therapy and then sobriety and this kind way of feeling really good about myself and feel like a new person. ”
Teigen says the “craziest part” of the whole situation was simply realizing that he never imagines something like this happening to him.
“You really don’t know the meaning of the word unimaginable until something like this happens to you,” he explained. “I was like, ‘I heard these stories about other People, this kind of thing doesn’t happen to me. ‘ So when it does, you’re so shocked. “
“Then you think of all the people who pass it by in silence and you get very sad. Ours was so public, so many people supported us a lot,” he added. “But you really do gain this incredible amount of empathy. And I really, in a way, I think I’m a better person now. I just have the best support system.”
Teigen recently revealed that last week she marked what would have been her son’s due date.
“I am so sorry that I did not see him in the face when he was born. I was so afraid of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot to see him in my dreams,” he wrote in his emotional post. “It hurts every day from that regret. This month is a difficult reminder and to be honest I thought the worst was over, but I think life and emotions are not on any kind of schedule.”
Teigen, who suffered the devastating pregnancy loss in September at 20 weeks, also spoke about the complications of the pregnancy and hospitalization, and later shared intimate photos of the devastating loss of the family.
“We are shocked and with the kind of deep pain that you only hear about, the kind of pain we have never felt before,” he wrote on Instagram at the time. “We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite the bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough.”
Hear more in the video below.